Why men depend on women
In our culture, the word "dependence" is very negatively colored. This is alcoholism, drug addiction, and psychologically unhealthy communication, in which violated Natural energy exchange, And many other mania, which brought modern civilization.
Psychologists advise to look at this phenomenon withAnother point of view, because all people in one way or another depend on something. From air, food, money, the state, nature - otherwise it's just not possible to survive. Dependence - this is a combination of circumstances, where you can not cope without yourself or with external resources.
However, now more and more researchers are talking about the so-called Dependency - the ability to calmly rely on help, care and confidence that you have the right to it simply because you are.
During the early childhood period, the child mustTo get experience of this safe dependence on parents, and first of all from mothers, but in reality everything often comes out quite differently. This is especially painful for boys when mothers do not pay enough attention to them. And then, when they become older men, they try to make up for Lack of warmth and attention With the help of their wives.
Consider this phenomenon in the example of one life.
Why men depend on women
It all starts from childhood. As long as the child is in the family alone, he understands that everything is warm, caring, time, the attention of the parents goes only to him. When his little brothers and sisters appear, the kid begins to realize that he can only attract "attention" from now on by "right" actions. Followed by unsuccessful attempts to attract the attention of the parents of handicrafts, drawings, homemade gifts.
But often my mother just does not have time to evaluate such masterpieces, because for her the main thing is that you managed to do all the lessons, learned well and behave yourself. Because you're a seniors, everyone expects from you only Adult actions, And not childish sentiment. So in the most remote corners of the soul begins to hide Insult.
Further comes such heavy for all transitiveage. As a rule, guys are rebelling during this period. Attempts to get attention and love with useful deeds and achievements increasingly fail: for good and routine they do not praise at all, and all the time to win the Olympics and get the main roles in the theater somehow does not work. But all sorts of Wrong actions Cause a reaction: rage, swearing, shame, resentment, scream. But the teenager is happy: all this frenetic energy is directed at him, only on him alone.
During this period, children are increasingly looking for places whereRun away, away from home. In fact, such a counter-dependence only externally differs from the dependence. It is quite clear that in this case the person is exactly the same dependent on the opinion and state of the other.
Counter-dependence Is inherent in very many men, because it is associated with freedom and ostentation - Main signs of masculinity. However, often behind this screen of ostentatious independence is an offended, sniffling and grinding tear of resentment, a boy of five. And still just wanting to attract attention ...
Finally comes the time when the boy becomes an adult enough young man and can throw his mother in the face: "I want to - I'll go!"And then in the long run he tries to find thatMost "mom" in a good wife. Psychologists unanimously say that people choose their partner, very similar to the parent of the opposite sex. Similarity does not necessarily have to be manifested externally, rather it is expressed in some important (even painful) internal characteristics.
And then, during an honest conversation with himself, men catch themselves thinking that they are also dependent on recognition, only this time from their wives. And come to such discoveries:
- the wife needs constant attention,
- the wife needs full approval,
- The wife should share responsibility for everything.
Thus, every man - he shows it outwardly or carefully conceals - expects that his wife will be his "Good mother". The one that will be with him only because he is. One that will approve of all his initiatives, projects, ideas, actions. Which will always pay attention and time, no matter what happens.
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